rYan does comedY

"What’s good about sad? It’s happy for deep people."

Mon, 08 Mar 2010 17:37:51 -0500

“What’s good about sad?
It’s happy for deep people.”

- I was on a bus for 12 hours yesterday.

Now I’m watching Doctor Who (from which the above quote is derived).

I spend a lot of just time sitting around.

suicideblonde: Britney Spears and Justin Timberlake in...

Mon, 08 Mar 2010 17:08:00 -0500

suicideblonde:

Britney Spears and Justin Timberlake in 2001

Wait, wait, wait, they took this in 2001, and then tried to convince us they weren’t fucking?

Okay, based on his facial expression, maybe he wasn’t fucking her, but she was definitely fucking him.

(via) Is it just me, or is the not-highlighted one far more...

Sat, 06 Mar 2010 22:03:52 -0500

(via)

Is it just me, or is the not-highlighted one far more interesting?

I just saw “Crank 2” and that shit made absolutely...

Sat, 06 Mar 2010 10:01:52 -0500

I just saw “Crank 2” and that shit made absolutely no sense.

I mean, in the scene where Chelios goes outside after escaping the hospital he is behind a crate when a man sneaks up behind him with a Springfield Armory XD pistol. These pistols have a cocking pin indicator, as well as a round indicator on the top of the slide. In this scene the round indicator is down, meaning there is no round in the chamber. Chelios does a brass check after disarming the man, and does not rack a round in the chamber. In the following scene he shots two men with this weapon without a round chambered.*

After that, I just couldn’t take the movie seriously.

*text stolen from Crank 2’s IMDB “Goofs” page.

No, I pretty definitely pussied out in this instance. Normally I...

Fri, 05 Mar 2010 22:34:10 -0500

No, I pretty definitely pussied out in this instance.

Normally I sit through my dumb tv shows with a steely gaze, but this adorable and quirky family has slipped past my emotional armor.

Plus I was a little drunk, so that might have been part of it.

There’s no way of knowing.

Who would win in a race? My guess is no one, ‘cus the Lion...

Fri, 05 Mar 2010 22:21:28 -0500

Who would win in a race?

My guess is no one, ‘cus the Lion would probably eat most or all of them.

That’s why I never let lions in my races. You can call me specist, but I know what I’ve seen and I’ve got a bottom line to watch out for.

Y’all, I totally cried at the end of the last episode of...

Fri, 05 Mar 2010 19:19:18 -0500

Y’all, I totally cried at the end of the last episode of Modern Family. I don’t know what’s happening to me.

But how will I know if it’s right for me???

Fri, 05 Mar 2010 15:09:06 -0500

But how will I know if it’s right for me???

(via adamdnewman) A Robert plant.

Thu, 04 Mar 2010 16:11:23 -0500

(via adamdnewman)

A Robert plant.

First LGBT Nursing Home to Open in Massachusetts

Thu, 04 Mar 2010 13:56:22 -0500

First LGBT Nursing Home to Open in Massachusetts:

lemonlove:

fuckyeahtrannies:

nanablog:

Retirement is looking a tad bit sweeter.

“The Elsie Frank House, the nation’s first nursing home built specifically to assist lesbian, gay, bisexual and transgender senior citizens, is set to open soon in Chelsea, MA. “

this is totally awesome!

This is something I would never even have thought of. Nice job expanding my world view, society.

I love that Lost eventually got to the point where they started...

Wed, 03 Mar 2010 10:44:07 -0500

I love that Lost eventually got to the point where they started to run out of twists to put before commercial breaks. So instead, every other break they just have a random character walk into the room and they all stare at each other and act weirded out and the music goes eeeEEEEHHHH!!!!! Blackout.

And then when it comes back from commercial, they’re just like “oh, hey, what’s up?”“nothing.”“cool.” And then they go do something else.

I find that charming.

funnyordie: Funny or Die’s Presidential Reunion Starring: Will...

Wed, 03 Mar 2010 10:27:53 -0500

funnyordie:

Funny or Die’s Presidential Reunion

Starring: Will Ferrell, Jim Carrey, Dana Carvey, Chevy Chase, Dan Aykroyd, Darrell Hammond, Fred Armisen, Maya Rudolph, and directed by Ron Howard.

Barack Obama gets a surprise visit in the night from ex-Presidents Bush Sr., Bush Jr., Clinton, Ford, Reagan and Carter to get a few pointers about the Consumer Financial Protection Agency and why it’s so important.

This was pretty much the most exciting thing for me.

Chile earthquake: Shock effect on Earth's axis | World news | The Guardian

Wed, 03 Mar 2010 04:30:05 -0500

Chile earthquake: Shock effect on Earth's axis | World news | The Guardian:

schbank:

The earthquake that struck Chile on Saturday may have shifted the Earth’s axis and created shorter days, according to scientists at Nasa. Richard Gross, a geophysicist at Nasa’s Jet Propulsion Laboratory in Pasadena, California, said the 8.8 magnitude quake could have moved the Earth’s axis by 2.7 milliarcseconds (about 8cm) – enough to shorten a day by about 1.26 microseconds.

Great. Now I’ve got even less time to finish this paper.

February 26th was workout day. Check out how I works on my...

Sun, 28 Feb 2010 15:51:49 -0500

February 26th was workout day. Check out how I works on my fitness.

"There’s an old joke. Two elderly women are at a Catskills mountain resort, and one of them says:..."

Sun, 28 Feb 2010 10:01:50 -0500

“

There’s an old joke. Two elderly women are at a Catskills mountain resort, and one of them says: “Boy, the food at this place is really terrible.” The other one says, “Yeah, I know, and such small portions.”

Well, that’s essentially how I feel about life. Full of loneliness and misery and suffering and unhappiness, and it’s all over much too quickly.

”

- Woody Allen (via unicornology)

A joke from The Dick Van Dyke Show:

Sat, 27 Feb 2010 16:14:13 -0500

What’s yellow and seldom rings?

An unlisted banana.

(via maeby)

Sat, 27 Feb 2010 15:09:31 -0500

(via maeby)

so what does a girl have to do to get your attention?

Fri, 26 Feb 2010 20:08:40 -0500

Getting my attention is easy. I can sense all girls in a 10 block area. Whatever else I’m thinking of, I’m also thinking of girls.

If on the other hand, you’re asking me what it takes to get me to notice and return a lady’s romantic/sexual advances, it takes kind of a lot, to be honest. It’s not that I have extremely high standards (or even above average standards). It’s that I’m extremely socially obtuse. I enjoy social situations and lively conversations, however, after years of social tyranny and sexual demoralization (read: high school) I conditioned myself to believe that the main reason a person would talk to me is if I was in their way.

I’m doing better with that now, and I love going to parties and talking to people. I’m pretty good at it. I know a tiny bit about almost everything, plus, I can tell you the actress from that movie you were trying to think of. But even after a long conversation, there’s still that tiny voice that keeps going “oops, better get out of her way.” And so I usually end the conversation with something like “well, it was great meeting you! I’ll see you around!” And she’ll be confused and wondering why I didn’t ask or her number, and I’ll be walking away thinking “you know, someday, I just might have a shot with her! I hope I bump into her accidentally again someday!”

So to answer your question, the best way for a girl to let me know she’s interested in me is to wave flags or write it on my face. If a girl tries sending me subtle signals, I’ll probably just apologize and move.

Also, I hope this didn’t make me sound damaged. I was going for charming, light, and witty, but it’s just on the border of making sound broken and tragic. I promise I’m not.

Here’s a picture of me smiling and interacting with a friend:

I’m the drunk-looking one on the right.

Does some part of that answer your question?

Thanks for asking!

Ryan

(If it takes me a while to answer your question, I apologize. It just means that your question forced me to think, which can take some time.)

Sometimes, I scare myself. (WAH wah!)

Fri, 26 Feb 2010 13:55:59 -0500

Sometimes, I scare myself.

(WAH wah!)

This comment has been made possible by “The...

Thu, 25 Feb 2010 19:48:14 -0500

This comment has been made possible by “The Internet.”