May 2009
i'm just gonna call this one. the lost series...
momentarily:
vforvelociraptor:
spinoff - ‘found’ an island resort sitcom where the gang solves mysteries of items left behind in the lost and found!
I predict the opposite - they recrash on the island and relive everything.
I think they get rescued and then convert the island into a getaway resort. The castaways will host new groups of tourists each week, using the all-star cast anthology...
April 2009
i heard the swine flu can cause menstruation. for...
know what I heard? swine flu happened because of...
and obama doesn’t even care.
Fact.
Little known Fact: Jesus invented the high five.
(via onemoretimewithfeeling)
"On Like Donkey Kong" is so trite.
Ryan: it's on like donghi ahn
Max Barth: it's on like tai chi quan.
Max Barth: it's on like qui gon jin
Ryan: it's on like telethons
Max Barth: it's on like marathons
Max Barth: it's on like bear-a-thons
Max Barth: it's on like bigfatthongs
Ryan: it's on like hot grilled prawns
Max Barth: it's on like people-throngs
Max Barth: hahaha
Max Barth: it's on like fawning fawns.
Max Barth: it's on like breaking dawns!
Max Barth: it's on like old-west "johns".
Ryan: it's on like twelve ex cons
Max Barth: HAH
Max Barth: it's on like...
Max Barth: uh
Max Barth: stuff
Ryan: it's on like chess board pawns
Max Barth: it's on like fresh cut lawns
Ryan: nice
Ryan: it's on like pubis mons
“My hero has died!! Bea Arthur is dead!! How will i live again!!”
– I got this text from my sister on The Day Bea Arthur Died, which is going to be our generation’s Pearl Harbor or JFK Assasination.
“If the function of comedy is to correct men’s vices, I do not see why any...”
– Moliere
“I couldn’t possibly have sex with someone with such a slender grasp on...”
– Russell Brand
Xzibit's Home Facing Foreclosure →
Yo dawg, I heard you like debt….
The temperature outside is 12 degrees.
Apparently, on Sunday, it will be 82.
Just saying.
If you had to...
which member of the Brady Bunch would you kill?
It would suck if they added a day to the week....
(via itwouldsuck)
Mad Science →
I sometimes think I’m part of some crazy social experiment. Little things happen all the time that just seem a little too arbitrary. I lose pens and pencils that I had just seconds ago. I use vending machines and get change that is off by just a little bit. Things like this that are just too small to be under the contract of physical law, but too big to go unnoticed. In one of my classes, I...
“You know when it comes to racism, people say: ” I don’t care if they’re black,...”
– Mitch Hedberg (via maeby)
I know nothing at all about tires.
I’m promised high-tensile steel belts, a solid centerline rib, and a system of tread grooves. All I can assume is that these things are good, because the company is telling me.
I want the ones without holes. That’s my ideal tire. One that doesn’t have holes.
this is (aparently) the plot of the next Sex and...
“Samantha [Kim Cattrall] will be her having to downsize her big-spending life after some of her investments get wiped out. You will see her having to survive on a more modest budget but still staying true to her fabulous taste.” [TheAge]
Now, I wouldn’t call myself a fan of the show, but I also don’t have a particular problem with it. But seriously? This is a movie plot? Is the...
I shaved recently. It can’t be a good sign that my...
i think i'm sitting across from phil donahue. you...
realrealsoft:
is he dead? related: how does one approach a corpse for an autograph?
cautiously.
I'm going to try this question thing.
Name some (3?) things that you want me to try and be funny about.
I have to make this a question…
Question question question?
What? No one liked my early 20th century...
Apparently Man Can't Just Hate Bowling | The Onion... →
I relate.
I am about to hand in the most embarrassing paper...
I hope my professor reads it and thinks I’m actually retarded. Then he might at least feel something besides scorn for me.
The Pokemon Opening in MSPaint →
pokemen:
PERFECTION
(click “later posts” to see the rest)
EPIC WIN LIONANDTHEWOLF
I think if I ever met someone named Clark Kent, I...
What parent names their child Clark?
Milton and the Duke: From Journaler to eJournaler →
Journalers, Alright, so now you know all that you need to know about how to keep a paper journal. You know how to create the impression that you’re full of anger and you know how to ignore your journal for months at a time. But now you want strangers to be able to criticize your life choices. “How,” you ask, “can I find out what preteens and bitter adults think about what I choose to do?” Well,...
I wish I was as endearingly awkward as Hugh Grant.
That way I could get women just by accident.
Milton and the Duke: From Joker to Journaler →
Curious about what it takes to keep a personal journal?
I’ve written a starter guide for you based on my own experiences.
Read it. You’ll be wasting your time in no time.
I recently watched Pocahontas and realized that...
It’s like a who’s who of people who shouldn’t have said things.
Just try to watch and separate their characters from their gritty realities.
Pet Shop Boys Won't Change Name For PETA →
I’ll be honest, I haven’t read the article.
But the idea that the Pet Shop Boys are relevant in any sense makes me laugh.
I also like the idea that they think they have too much pride to do something.
